So I get an e-mail from a reader saying he’s got the Marilyn movie, and in the header he says something like “Let’s Discu$$”. In the body of the e-mail, there was a pic, too, along with a request to call him so I could make a deal.
I’ve never really been a fan of celebrity sex tapes, mainly cause the few I’ve seen are total shit and completely unwatchable. They’re also fraudulent…in more ways that one.
I’ve talked to people in my biz who had something to do with the Paris movie, and they told me Paris was in it from the get-go. And ever wonder how the Tommy/Pamela movie turn into almost public domain? I watched parts of that piece of shit, as well as parts of the Paris flick, which, I might add, is better than Pamela’s dirty movie.
I’m not sure what anyone wants to discuss with me when they have something as big as Marilyn Monroe’s sex tape, but I was kinda curious.
Once on the phone, he immediately admitted he didn’t have the tape at all. “But that doesn’t matter! Why not just shoot a BJ with whoever you can book that looks like Marilyn, and then in post-production we can turn it black and white and add scratchy stuff so it looks old!”
I said, “I don’t think her estate is gonna be psyched about this.”
He said, “spell her name differently!”
I said, “so you want me to fraud people out of their money?”
He said, “dude, it’s porn!”
I said, “what happens when the people realize it’s not Marilyn, and they call VISA to get their account credited?”
He said, “how about not charge for it, and then use the movie to upsell them to something else? Like one of your sites? Besides, it’s porn!”
I said, “who would buy anything from us when they know we promised them something we couldn’t deliver?”
“Dude, it’s porn!”
I passed, but the Marilyn thing had me intrigued, cause…let’s face it — it’s Marilyn. So I Googled a bit, and apparently some dude shelled out 1.5 million for 15 minutes of blowing an Average Joe in, like, 1952. The dude’s name is Keya Morgan, and he calls himself a “memorabilia collector”, and he must have quite a collection of shit in order to cough up that much bread for something he’s gonna just put in a safe and never show anyone, ever.
He’s doing it to “protect her reputation.”
That’s kinda funny. No, that’s really funny.
Funnier yet is the story that goes with the tape, including J. Edgar Hoover’s involvement, and his hopes that one of the Kennedy brothers was the Mope in the flick. Imagine that poor closet homo’s disappointment when he figured out he didn’t have a thing.
I poked around a bit more, and the Smoking Gun says the whole thing’s a big hoax.
But dude…what did you expect?
It’s porn.
