Super Fun E-mails, Uncategorized

Super Fun E-Mails: Where Are All The Gloryholes?

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Desire Moore

M writes:

Hi Billy Watson,

I read your blog about Barbie and got curious. Can you tell me where is the Glory Hole in Los Angeles? Is it for straight guy like me?

I would appreciate if you do not publish my email. Keep the great work, I really enjoy reading your blog and watching the movies you record.

Thanks — M

————

M!

Gloryholes are everywhere! If you don’t believe me, just be aware.

Gloryholes are in public places. Usually seedy, dirty public places. But sometimes they’re drilled in places that you’d never expect: I think I told you about the time I was studying during my undergrad years and I had to make a Number Two at the library?

I hate making Number Two’s in public places; in fact, unless it’s “Code Red”, and I’m about to shit my pants, I’ll hold that dump until I manage to get home to drop The Deuce.

Which is to say I’m a home field player when it’s Doody Time.

Anyways, I was studying, and suddenly — out of nowhere — Code Red hit, and I was forced into the University’s bathroom to leave the Browns at the pool. As usual, I carefully inspected each and every toilet seat, and, as usual, almost each and every toilet seat looked more like a science experiment in dirty filth than a place you’d want to sit…but I found the cleanest one, pulled about three pounds of toilet paper off the roll to clean the seat, and once it was as clean as I could make it, I sat down, ready to make my Chocolate Soft Serve.

That’s when I looked to my right, and directly next to the toilet paper dispenser was a hole drilled into the stall divider.

Come on — I’ve told this story too many times. The point is “G-Holes” are everywhere! Common spots include adult book stores (check the peep booths and premium “private viewing rooms”) as well as truck stop bathrooms, library bathrooms, and airport restrooms.

I just caught myself sounding mighty gay, huh? I mean most G-Holes are a Gay Thang, but No Way Am I Gay.

Your pal — Billy

Alicia Allaghatti

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, random rants, random raves

Someone You Know Ever Did Porn?

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Terri Lynn Doss

Shadownomad blogs:

Ok, so…am I weird for wanting to know if any of the girls I went to high school with ever did porn? I’m always fascinated by that sort of thing. I’m always curious as to what people did with thier lives after high school. Somehow I don’t think any of them did (though I did once hear a rumor about one being a stripper) because most of the girls I knew in high school seemed either: (1) too “good” to do that sort of things, or (2) too smart and too sucessful to ever consider doing that sort of thing for money.

Still…I do find myself thinking at times “I wonder if [insert name here] ever did porn?” I’m probably weird for having those thoughts. For that matter I wonder if any of the guys did porn 😛 I hear it’s tough to become male talent because there is an overabundance of guys always wanting to break into that buisness. Leave it to men to think it’s a good job to fuck all the time. From all the stuff I’ve read by directors and stuff it’s really not as glamorous as it sounds, lol.

Billy Watson blogs:

When I was growing up I hung out with this cat named Al. It was a long time ago, when Camaros were bitchin’ and the internet didn’t exist — neither did cell phones, MTV, CD’s, laptops, or Brittney Spears.

Al had a step-sister named Terri, and she was fucking smokin’ hot. Terri was blonde, and always had a smile on her face, and her tits were almost as perfect as her ass. She was also a year younger than me, and back then I’d die before I’d date a younger girl.

Oh! How times have changed.

Fast forward a few years, when MTV was alive and well and good, and people still didn’t know what a text message was, but some had computers, although the internet wasn’t really a viable thing yet, but CD’s were so hot no one wanted their vinyl records anymore (dopes), and still no one knew — or cared about — Brittney Spears.

I don’t remember who ran up and thrust the Playboy in my hand, but there she was, and instead of being “Terri” she was now calling herself “Terri Lynn”, and she looked better than ever.

I took that magazine back to my apartment and beat off to it like a monkey in the zoo.

I think I blasted three times, back-to-back, before I had to leave to do whatever it was I had to do…and if I coulda stayed in my bedroom and whacked it some more, trust me, I would have.

What was I thinking? Why not date younger chicks? I had Terri within arm’s reach…more than once! I used to say “hi” to her on the phone when I’d call Al! I’d smile and make small talk with her at school!

AND NOW SHE’S A PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD. JESUS H. CHRIST. EXCUSE ME WHILE I JERK AND BLOW ANOTHER ONE.

Although it’s dumb to assume I would have had a chance with Terri, I didn’t even step up to the plate with her…and really, isn’t that all it takes most of the time?

I couldn’t believe a girl I knew was naked in a magazine. And not just any magazine…Playboy. It made my brain almost melt. I remember a few years after this all went down I was in Vegas with a pal of mine who like to bet big.

No, he bet large.

Extra Large.

And he won a lot, too, and after a good night at the tables he’d end up buying a few whores, and we’d go back to the room and bang them, and one of the whores had the copy of “Busty” magazine she appeared in, and I looked at her pictorial as I banged her, and I was convinced, at that very moment in time, that I was the coolest dude in the whole wide world.

When really I was nothing more than a Trick.

Sometimes I check my internet stats to see where my readers are coming from, and one day I noticed I was getting a ton of traffic from a Chevy S-10 bulletin board. So I go to check it out, and sure enough, the post on this board is exactly what I’m talking about now.

First I see Harley Valley mentioned, and later Jackie Joy.

The best thing about reading these dudes who grew up with girls who are now in porn is the amount of shit talking they do:

i wouldnt have let her touch me in highschool

I know a few girls from HS who ended up doing porn. None of them were remotely slutish or hot in high school, and are still disgusting today.

Search for Jacky Joy…I went to HS with her and she’s a dumb ugly slut. My buddy used to date her and laughed his ass off when he heard she was doing slut porn.

went to high school with a girl who is now doing porn, her screen name is Mindy Main. it is pretty entertaining to see a chick you went to high school with naked everyday.i work at a porn store and her movies get rented quite a bit…im surprised she has been as successful as she has been lol

Looking back at it now, I’m not sure why I went nuts over Terri’s Playboy spread, or why these dudes are going nuts over the porn whores they knew back when.

Maybe I’m just jaded.

Maybe I’ve filmed too many people fucking over the course of 5+ years to care about it much anymore.

Maybe I’m just bored.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Wife Writing

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Leah Luv

They call it “wife writing“.

I call it wholly disturbing.

It originated in the old-school newsgroups. The Interracial Newsgroups…where Dogfart got his start. Hubbies were sharing their wives with The Black Man, but that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to see Wifey plowed by big, black cock.

Hubby wanted more.

Much more.

Why not make it permanent?

Why not tag her up?

White wives starving for black meat.

White brides with Black Bulls.

White wives taking their black cock vows.

White wives tagged up properly as Black Cock Sluts.

Young wives — wives in their mid-twenties — wives going on marriage two and three.

Leave it to the World’s Greatest Interracial website to exploit a whole new niche.

Young Bride Leah Luv sums it all up before she gets railed by 10 inches of black meat: she’s here to tell you much she loves black cock. She loves the fact black guys have more size, stamina, and knowledge when it comes to fucking.

Leah loves their “big juicy lips”. “It’s just more erotic seeing their dark skin against my light skin. It turns me on so much seeing their big black dicks going into my tight white pussy.”

An indoctrination to Black Dick.

And all I want you guys to do is remember one thing — just don’t shoot the messenger.

OK?

Leah Luv

Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun E-Mails: “Weird Dick Pics and The Gloryhole”

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Weird Dick Pic

BS writes:

I was reading and looking at your page and it got me thinking a lot of crazy and perverted stuff. Anyway I like most of the pictures you got posted on you page but sometimes the Hustler thing happens. The Hustler thing is where people go for porn to some disgusting stuff. On the recent post I am looking at Barbie Cummings then I scroll down and yikes there is a dick. Now in porn people see dicks all the time but something is wrong with that dick. Looks like it needs medical attention. I am wondering if that ugly dick has gotten more pussy than my dick. I wish sometimes that would post warnings. I get disturbed when the put different porn in the same location. Like the Two Girls One Cup thing that belongs in a completely different universe. There is porn and there is satatnic ass shit. I remember reading Hustler Magazine and it would go from hot chick to a guy getting his brains blown out. My rant is not really directed at you, I do want to know your input on this subject. I love porn, but I don’t want to see people mamed, eating shit, and fucking animals. They only thing attractive about animal porn is like what Keith said on the Keith and The Girl Show, they just look horny and in desperate need of dick. Maybe I did not quote Keith correctly but you get my drift. It’s like Jay said in Jay and Silent Bob strike back you got women blowing donkeys and some guys can’t even get laid. I liked watching some of Max Hardcore movies. I like staged rough sex, but the vomiting I couldn’t deal with. I would fuck all those women but I would not vomit on them or try to make them vomit. I like some bondage but it is not cool when it start looking like something from a Saw movie. Barbie before you fuck a dog please fuck me first. Or fly overseas and support the troops. Barbie Cummings Supports The Troops. They always have all these female stars, singers and cheerleaders visiting troops, how bout supporting them by fucking them. I know somebody would get pissed off but it is just one of those crazy thoughts I have in my head. Maybe someone can make my dream it to a real movie Seem like there is alot of Marines in the business anyway. What a successful transition to cilivian life. Other crazy thought I have is while I was watching Taboo 2 I thought it would be cool if the made a new movie with Deaxuma as the mom. The whole mom fucking thing didn’t turn me on it was the fact she was suducing dudes. I wish I could have played like a paper boy in that movie or a friend staying the night. I use to think the same thing watching Married With Children, what it would be like to bang Peg and Kelly while Al was at the shoe store.

When you talk about the gloryhole you talk about it like it a real place that I could go. I think it would be more comfortable knowing it is stage because at least you know who is on the other side of the wall. All the woman I have seen on the site I would have no problem with. I remember the movie Porkeys and wouldn’t want it to go down like that. So is the Gloryhole real?

Before I go, I have a few question I want to know from the women have you ever gave a guy head with Pop Rock in you mouth and can you describe it? I did it but I just want to know if I am the only one.

————————————————————————-

Hey BS —

Real quick, cause I have all sorts of smut to make today: yea, the gloryholes are real, and no, I don’t know what it feels likes to give a guy head with pop rocks in my mouth, cause I don’t give head to guys.

No Way Am I Gay!

Angel Eyes

Barbie Cummings, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

There’s Something About Barbie, Part 6

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Barbie Cummings and Gia Paloma

Barbie was sitting in Gia’s make-up chair.

“I wanna black baby,” she said.

Gia asked, “any ideas on how you wanna get knocked up today?”

“I dunno. All I know is I need some random black guy to fill me up. I don’t care who it is.”

That’s when I chimed in. “I got an idea! Let’s go to that Gloryhole over in Hollywood. That one at that seedy adult bookstore.”

“How the fuck am I gonna get knocked-up sucking a guy off, Pencil Dick?!”

I thought isn’t it nice when Barbie calls me pencil dick? “You’re gonna bend over the wall and let him fill you up, silly whore.”

“You’re not as stupid as you look,” Barbie said.

I thanked Barbie for her sweet kindness.

“Lemme watch!” Gia pleaded. “I wanna go to the gloryhole! I wanna go to the gloryhole!”

On our way over, Barbie grabbed the camera from my bag and made silly faces…and snapped away. Then we saw a legless T-Girl in an electric wheelchair. The Legless T-Girl was waiting on the corner of Santa Monica and Gower, and she had enormous boobs and a shirt that said something witty on it…but I forget now exactly what it said.

Let me make sure you understand what I’m talking about here: a woman, born as a man, and now without legs, was sitting in one of those electric wheelchair thingys (commonly referred to as “scooters”) hanging out on the corner, and s(he) had enormous titties — much bigger than Barbie’s or Gia’s.

“I wanna fuck a T-Girl,” Barbie said.

I don’t remember what Gia said.

“I do not want to fuck a T-Girl,” I said.

“Yes you do, faggot pencil-dick loser,” Barbie said.

“I love your sweet nothings,” I cooed.

At the entrance of the filthy adult bookstore, Barbie did something she loves to do all the time: she flashed her titties.

Once inside The Hole, it was only a matter of time before a large dick showed itself. Gia actually took a taste before Barbie worked the load out of his balls and directly into her cunt. I stood there with a camera and captured it all for prosperity’s sake.

The black dude exclaimed, “I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” and Gia got down for an up close, personal inspection of the Barbie Cummings creampie.

Once the dick disappeared back where it appeared from, I said, “Well, we definitely do not know who the baby’s daddy is.”

Barbie said, “that’s if I’m knocked up. Let’s go back to your studio and call some more black guys up and try again. I’m here for another day.”

“Now you’re talking!” Gia said.

“You dirty slut!” I said.

Barbie looked at me like I was a dope, grabbed a hold of her lower lip (the one on her face), and showed me the tattoo she just got on her inside it: “SLUT”.

On the way back, I made some phone calls and set it all up. The Legless T-Girl was in her same spot, and Barbie waved hi.

The Legless T-Girl said something, but I can’t recall what that was, exactly. Barbie blew the Legless T-Girl a kiss, said she wanted to fuck a T-Girl (again), and we drove back to my studio, where Barbie would attempt, once again, to get impregnated by The Black Man…as I rolled camera.

And you thought your life was weird.

Barbie Cummings and Gia Paloma

How To Be A Porn Star

Super Fun E-mails: How To Get A Job In Porn

15 Comments

Victoria Sin

The Wannabe Slut writes:

Dear Mr.Billy Watson

I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!

okay well maybe not in love but I do really enjoy your blog. You probably get a crap load of annoying e-mails going on about how fucking awesome your job is and how amazing you are for getting to do what you do blah blah blah. Well you know what its true! I’d absolutely kill to be part of the porn industry, not on screen but behind the scenes. How do I do this?

love,
the wannabe slut.

——————–

Dear Wannabe Slut:

I love Sluts. Which means I am in love with you! Imagine the world without a good, old-fashioned sluts. BORING! Sluts (real or imagined) are the fodder of school-boy gossip; they’re the backbone of my industry; sluts make any night at the pub far more interesting; sluts are one of the greatest gifts to all mankind!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if I get married, I’m marrying a slut.

In fact, I can barely come up with a list of 5 things that are better than a slut. Let’s see:

1) The Internet.

2) Bob Dylan.

3) A rack of yummy ribs from Charleston’s.

4) My dog, Maggie.

5) Paris, France.

OK. That list took me, like, 3 hours to figure out. And now, upon further inspection, I’d have to say I’d take a slut over Dylan (except maybe Blonde on Blonde or a minty vinyl pressing of The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan), and I’d take a slut over the ribs, unless I’m very, very hungry, and my dog is a total slut, and let’s face it — Paris can be really overrated.

As far as securing employment within the adult entertainment industry, you’re up against heaps and heaps of brutal competition, especially behind-the-camera. Take a look at my own PA, Doron “The Minion” Pepperscone: he’s 6’5″, 350 pounds of pure intensity, and when he’s not stinking up my studio with his foul feet and horrific ass gas, he’s dropping cameras as efficiently as Nick Manning drops loads. He edits. He knows 2257 paperwork inside and out. He cooks and cleans. He dresses sets and creates imaginative porno scenarios that only a true pervert could conjure up. He puts up with my rants and raves and my overly-stressed personae.

What more could I ask for?

A PA who’s a slut, I suppose. But don’t get me wrong: Pepperscone’s as big a slut as anyone I know. He just doesn’t suit my tastes.

I should probably answer your original question, though: you get into any job in the porno game through referrals. It really doesn’t matter if you’re in front of the camera or behind it: it’s really all about who you know, not what you know…but that adage is age-old and truly worn, and I apologize for using it.

Let’s do this — get to know one another. Start by sending me some explicit photos. I don’t want to see a stitch of clothes anywhere in the picture. If you’re really an over-achiever, why not make a few clips of yourself masturbating with an over-sized dildo. Really open up that vagina! Bonus points for anything that goes up your butt. Consider this all part of the application process; after all, it’s adult work, and I’ll need to gauge your overall proficiencies. Not only will I grade you, but I’ll be looking at the lighting, your set, and anything else imaginative you toss my way. And if you pass the initial screening, you’ll need to get yourself to Los Angeles, where I’ll be putting you to the test in a far more personal way. I’m sure you know what I mean.

After all, you’re a self-admitted wannabe. Time to make it all very real!

Pardon this metaphor, but consider the ball to be in your court.

PS: I didn’t really know what kind of picture to post with this blog entry, so I grabbed a test shot from True Slut Victoria Sin before her scene for TheDickSuckers.com — cause, let’s face it…everyone likes to look at pictures more than they like to read.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

White Dew and Legal Loopholes

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Spring Thomas

Most pornographers are scumbags.

But not all of us are scumbags…really. I’m certainly not! I treat my talent with respect, adhere to their boundaries whenever we’re shooting a scene, and always always always hold off on groping them until they give me the thumbs-up to grope them.

However, some pornographers aren’t as nice as me. For example, when I shot Spring Thomas in this blindfolded interracial sex scene, she knew exactly what she was getting into.

Some aren’t so lucky…

Dave Maass writes in the Tuscon Weekly:

Tucson porn-proprietor Tyrone Henry wants you to know that blowing your load on the faces of blindfolded, underage girls who think they’re participating in a facial cream marketing study is not fraud or any other crime, no matter what the Arizona Court of Appeals said last month. He also wants you to know he was framed.

Whether he did it or not, he’s serving a seven-year sentence because of the creative legal work of a Pima County prosecutor, Brad Roach

In the summer of 2000, Roach was assigned to prosecute Tyrone Henry after two teenage girls said he lured them to his home to try out a product called “White Dew” facial cream he was developing. Instead of exfoliation, they said they got ejaculation.

The girls, 15 and 16 years old at the time, said Henry showed them examples of women with “clumpy” white cream on their faces and then blindfolded them. The girls said they heard heavy breathing and Henry say, “It’s coming,” and then felt a thick, warm substance applied to their faces. They said he took photos, paid them $10 a piece and convinced them to make follow-up appointments. Thinking about it later, they realized they’d been hoodwinked and called the police.

Roach admits the hardest part of the case was figuring out what charge he could hang on Henry. It wasn’t sexual assault because he didn’t touch the girls sexually, and they didn’t touch him. And it wasn’t indecent exposure because the girls were blindfolded.

“It was fascinating,” Roach said. “I don’t want to say it was a once-in-a-lifetime case, but it’s only once in awhile do you get something this bizarre.”

In the end, the only charge Roach could get to stick was “fraudulent scheme and artifice.” The Division II of the Arizona Court of Appeals concluded that Roach had made the right decision, knocking down Henry’s appeal.

“It was a huge loophole,” Roach said. “No one in the Legislature had ever thought of it. It’s not the sort of crime that had come up before.”

Spring Thomas